why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
