evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
