Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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