Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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