Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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