I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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