I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
