On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
