I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
