im drinking this country out of the recession.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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