I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
