Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
