I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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