my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
