the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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