my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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