she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
