were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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