it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize