I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
