Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You can't just leave with hair like that
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
