R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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