this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
