I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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