Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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