How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
