Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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