Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you inspire me to be a worse person
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
