HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
