I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
