If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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