I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
