Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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