Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize