I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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