Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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