bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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