Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize