Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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