So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
