Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
