i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
