I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
