i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
