can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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