I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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