this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
