my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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