did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
