so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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