Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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