After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
