The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
