oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
