the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize