I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
