what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
