the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
