i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
