He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
