Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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