I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
