I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
PANTIES FOUND
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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