best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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