I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i love accidental penises.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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